Wildflower OD 2000: Me & Fred (the screenplay)

Plot synopsis: good swim, good bike, slow transitions, slow "run" (mostly walk, Fred's fault).


Me: a 40 something male, brown hair and eyes
Fred: Me's right leg from the knee down


Last June, Me and Fred were both in pretty good shape. The shape of both was significantly altered by trying to occupy the same space as a speeding 92 Mazda. End result: 5 broken bones and other messy stuff. Fred is pretty much shattered by the experience, but gets some new equipment: a 14 inch titanium rod and matching screws. Me jealous, since Fred now has more titanium than Me bike.


[Roll title and intro; in background, fast forward through images of various medical procedures and rehab sessions; end with closeup of ti rod, no longer part of Fred, which looks suspiciously like a skinny forward seat post]

<Opening Scene: WF OD Swim start. Me nervous, Fred a little sore. Neither can believe the crowds.>

Me: Wow, pretty crowded swim.

Fred: You're not going to try to run, are you?

<Swim starts. Wave after wave goes. Finally, wave 10 starts. Me leads Fred by half a body length>

Me: <after getting kicked in the face> Glurg, bubble, fleck!

Fred: Looks o.k. back here.

<Swim goes on. Bodies everywhere, oh the humanity! Finally, Me and Fred go up the ramp at the swim finish>

Me: Wow, pretty crowded. Now we have to get up the stairs.

Fred: You're not going to try to run, are you?

<Me and Fred walk up stairs, enter transition, walk to bike; cut to scene of Me and Fred starting up the first hill>

Me: Hey, not too bad. This hill's not as hard as it looks.

Fred: Easy for you to say.

<Cut to Mile 4 of the bike course; ambulance with lights going passes Me and Fred>

Me: Oh, I don't like the look of that.

Fred: I hope everyone's o.k. I hate ambulances.

<images of hundreds and hundreds of bikes; flash to a couple of accidents, people being put on backboards>

Me: Let's not take any chances here. Safety first, speed second.

Fred: Works for me. Did I tell you that I hate ambulances?

<Bike finish approaches; Me and Fred look exhilerated>

Me: Pretty good ride. Could have gone faster without the crowd, but not bad.

Fred: <thinking about the run> We're almost done, right?

<cut to transition area, bike in rack>

Me: Gotta get these running shoes on quick.

Fred: <startled> Running shoes?

Me: Sure, we're not done yet.

Fred: You're not going to try to run, are you?

Me: Of course not. Just stay with me.

<image of Me and Fred jogging out of transition area>

Fred: Hey, dammit, you said no running! That hurts!

Me: How about we jog just a little, like at the beginning and end, and around cameras and crowds?

Fred: [expletive deleted]

<image of hundreds of people passing Me and Fred, now walking the course>

<Final scene: Me and Fred are cheered near the finish by Me wife Carol, and kids Greg and Madeline. Madeline runs the last 50 yards before the finish with Me and Fred, holding hands with Me as they approach the chute.>

Me: We did it!

Fred: Where's the [expletive deleted] ice?

<roll credits>


Epilogue: Total time: 3:15:23 (22:54 swim, ~1:27:00 bike, 1:17:08 "run", ~8:00 transitions). This was about 15 minutes faster than I thought I would do, even though I think I lost a few minutes due to the crowded swim and bike course. I really felt good about doing this race, even though it was frustrating not to be able to really run.